You can do better than that

Like pretty much everyone on LinkedIn I’m frequently contacted with ‘business growth’ opportunities.

I have sympathy; I’m out there every day trying to sell my services and it’s tough.

But that doesn’t mean resorting to the blind tactics used by the many companies who know absolutely nothing about me, yet who are guaranteeing to connect me to hungry, cash rich clients at the drop of a hat. Or, more precisely, the opening of my wallet.

It’s easy to be cynical, so I’m going to be. (Sometimes the path of least resistance is the best). So, these have been my favourite 5 approaches to date:

It’s really impressive that you went to John Lyon school… we have sales reps who can help you grow your business. YOU MEAN YOU WOULDN’T OFFER THIS IF I’D GONE TO A DIFFERENT SCHOOL?

We have a reverse keyword assignment algorithm. ERM, OK.

I can help you because I have worked for the world's top 500 enterprises. WHAT, ALL OF THEM? ARE YOU YODA?

I can’t believe we haven’t spoken yet. THAT WAS ONE OF MY CHAT UP LINES IN 1986. IT DIDN’T WORK THEN.

Steve Jobs is as powerful a brand as Apple is. GIVE ME THE CAPABILITIES OF STEVE JOBS AND I’LL DEFINITELY PAY YOUR FEE, AND PROBABLY A SMALL BONUS.

Presumably, based on sheer numbers, if you do this often enough you do pick up some clients, but it’s hardly the basis for a productive partnership. If you want to grow your business in a more proven way, please give me a shout.